Mosey On

“I don’t like either the word or the thing. People ought to saunter in the mountains – not hike!”

-John Muir

As we walked a section of the John Muir trail on our first day at Yosemite National Park, it was Jen I believe, that informed us that John Muir disliked the word hike, suggesting it was too harsh of a word, and that he much preferred to saunter, meander or ‘mosey’. So that’s what we did for the duration of our trip, we moseyed on. As I think about it, the same can be applied to life. So often if feels like we are hiking through each day, pushing up steep inclines, carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders, trudging through mud, tripping over rocks, trying not to fall. Perhaps we should attempt to slow down and mosey or meander. Living in the moment and appreciating the small things along the way each day, paying attention to the details, slowly placing one foot in front of the other.

By the time I reached Mariposa, California, I was 9 months into this personal journey of self-discovery and sobriety. The previous months had been spent pushing myself out of my comfort zone and pushing myself every day, whether that was physical or mental. This was my new challenge. I was trekking in support of refugees for Act For Peace, however I was joining a team of people for an affiliated company Church World Service, and honestly, I was not sure what to expect.

You see in the months leading up to the trek, I had joined Alcoholics Anonymous, and I had been struggling with one aspect, a pretty major first step – which was to surrender to a Higher Power. As someone who grew up without a religious faith, I really struggled with this concept. In meetings that were primarily traditional AA teachings, I struggled with a lot of the talk of God, a Higher Power and I just didn’t feel I could relate. I later joined secular meetings who also followed the 12-step program, though they suggested you could choose a Higher Power of your choosing, whether that was to nature or the Universe for example.

Suffice it to say, joining an American group of church goers, as a non-conforming AA member, as a lesbian, tattooed, non-conforming AA member in the lead up to the election, was so far outside of my comfort zone I think I almost backed out a couple of times! Instead, I decided to go in with an open mind, an open heart, without fear, with truth and honesty and trust. What I was rewarded with was an amazing experience with a beautiful group of people that will leave a lasting impression on me for the rest of my life.

As we all loaded into vans on Day 1, our guide asked us if we all knew each other, not realizing we were quite literally strangers who had only met the night prior for dinner. However, we had instant chemistry and camaraderie that would make you think we had all been friends for years. This instant connection remained for the duration of the trip and has continued in the months following.

Yosemite is vast and majestic. I was amazed by the infinite scenery, each day had something new to offer. We crossed past waterfalls, surrounded by cascading granite cliffs, walked through forests with ancient towering sequoia trees, climbed through snow up in grey clouds, then would rest at serene, clear lakes framed by beautiful mountains. The scenery made better, only by the equally beautiful and diverse personalities they were shared with. As we walked together day after day in awe of all the beauty Yosemite had to offer, we connected through our individual stories and journeys. We shared funny stories and laughed at and with each other, but we also shared vulnerable and intimate details of our lives, and we listened with empathy and compassion. We discussed our reasons for trekking and a shared passion for helping other people in need. At times the political nature of the country would arise during conversation, and I won’t forget Annette saying with a sadness in her eyes “We have a lot of good people here”. I stopped for a moment and thought about my own preconceived notions of America, and that for as many people intent on spreading hate and fear in the world, there are just as many who want to spread a message of love. I don’t know yet where my religious faith sits, but I do have faith in the good in people. Maybe that is my Higher Power?

I made a promise with myself to go into the trek open about who I am, so I shared stories of my sobriety, the reasons for my sobriety, the journey I was on, my recent physical transformation and weight loss, my search for a faith or a Higher Power – in whichever form that may be. I was welcomed with open arms and love. Connection. Connection had been part of my mission during this journey the last 12 months. Connection with others. Connection with nature. Connection with myself.

I realize if I hadn’t of pushed myself outside of my comfort zone, I wouldn’t have had this amazing experience that I will hold dear to my heart and the lessons I learned on the way.

During the hard days of trekking, on a difficult ascension, I would look up and normally see Jim leading the group right at the top. Sometimes I would look far ahead and think I can’t do it. In those moments, I would intentionally put my head down and stare at my feet. I would mindfully watch my feet and tell myself “One step at a time. One foot in front of the other”. I would think about the metaphorical mountains I had climbed over the year, and how I could apply this to how I had succeeded in making it this far. One step at a time. One foot in front of the other.

From now on I know how I will face any future metaphorical or physical mountains.

I will mosey on.

“Perhaps happiness is always to be found in the journey uphill, and not in the fleeting sense of satisfaction awaiting at the next peak” - Jordan B Peterson